Monster and me (part2)

  Neha was in the arms of Sumit... They were smooching.. I had never seen anything like that except for once on a clip monster was watching on internet.
      Monster had shouted at me for peeking into his room and made me swear I wouldn't tell Mom or Dad what I had seen. I still don't understand why he was so tensed about it.
     Neha looked at me and I was completely at my wit's end. Her top was unbuttoned at the upper end and she quickly adjusted it.. Sumit was clearly frightened. Sumit was, as monster said, "a harmless dumb creature". He spent hours with Monster in our room equipped with a bucketful of chips. He was overweight. He stayed in Monster's shadow.. He hung around with Monster often, just to get noticed.
     Neha said softly, "Spying, are we?" The coldness in her voice made me uncomfortable.  She was intimidating..
     I stammered, "I.. I just came to call you".. She was getting irritated with my response..
She lost her calm and shrieked," Listen, don't act smart with me. You voyeur!! She looked back at Sumit and asked him, "What do you think?".. Now that was a stupid thing to ask because she knew it well Sumit couldn't think...
    Sumit as expected dare not say anything.. I wondered what Sumit would tell Monster.  Neha didn't let the matter pass.. She threatened to tell all kinds of lies and get me trapped instead..  I knew saying anything would be useless.. She not only had Monster in control, she even took advantage of this Fool Sumit's money..
    I went back home.  Monster left shortly for his classes.. I didn't know how long I sat thinking of what happened.. The door bell rang.. I saw Monster standing at the door with Neha crying...
                       

Bleeding heart

  Running behind the shadows
  of that past left behind,
  Night befalls on the meadow
  where solace I would find..
  Upon the enticing dreams
  a spell of gloom is cast..
  a pearl of tear in my eyes gleams,
  and is lost in the ocean so vast..
  How far the raft of time
  has drifted us apart,
  With memories of you I entwine
  my soul and my bleeding heart..


  

Glimpses from the past..

         "You know what Nishka, life couldn't have been more perfect for me". Preeti was beaming with happiness and why should she not? She is after all in love. She was meeting me after a long time. We had been fast friends in school but in the years after that we had been too busy to catch up. She was still the same bubbly girl who made friend easily. I have lost my innocence and charm long back. She at this moment would never notice this change in me. Love after all makes all the world shrink and all you can think is about that special someone in your heart.
           She and her boyfriend made a cute couple. Everyone thinks they are "made for each other", but I would rather not use these words for anyone. That's what everyone used to say about "US". We were a perfect couple.
          Time raced back in my mind and I felt transported to those days of love. Even the memory of it made my heart ache and my body seethe in pain.. Why do I have to still feel for him? After all he has done to me and to our relationship, why is there still that lame hope of having him back? So much time has passed by yet why is that monsoon still moistening my eyes? I stare and stare into nothingness and suddenly that face looms in front of my eyes... That face, that smile which once made my heart leap now makes my heart throb so hard I fear it will break my ribs.. That vacuum he left in my life will forever be that way..
          Was I willingly closing my eyes to the truth?  Was  his assurance fake?
Those moments of happiness, those promises to be for each other always.. I was so sure he was as madly in love with me as I was with him.. I still am..
          Those late night calls.. Those love messages... The way he used to lovingly call out my name.. That one night when I couldn't sleep and he tenderly sang me to sleep... I couldn't live a thousand years and experience that bliss again.. What would I not give up to get that simplicity and love back... But it is gone with the winds...
          "Are you listening?" She almost shrieked.. I pulled myself out from my thoughts... "Guess what ? He is coming here. Isn't that great? "
            I was already feeling claustrophobic.. Happy couples always made me that way.. I wanted to rush out of this place.. The urge to shout back, "Go and have the time of your life. Don't bother about me" was overpowering but I had to bear with it.. I couldn't give my friends hell for what I am going through and neither did I want to act like a mood spoiler... That's one of the reasons he had given for breaking up..... I need to snap it out of my mind.. I need to go back into the hiding.. Social meetings aren't my cup of tea anymore...
            "sorry Preeti, I just remembered I forgot my keys at a relative's place. I got to rush. You guys enjoy. " She didn't read much into it either... She was busy adoring her sweetheart..
             I walked towards the door and glanced back... They were holding hands and gazing into each others eyes.. Magic of love..........
             I rushed back home into my haven of loneliness where I didn't have to pretend everything is fine...
               

The day after..

So the big day is over and so is all the rush.. The birthday celebration is an event the friends look forward to. It is a tradition started back when we were in school. For all these years we girls meet up at each others birthday . It's that time we exchange all the happenings and gossip.. Now that we all are in different fields of study and have different schedules the birthdays have become meticulously planned events which none of us is supposed to skip.
   Back to what happened yesterday.. The girls ( read Gayatri, Kalyani,Shweta and Akshata) met me at 9 at the decided place. Kalyani as usual turned up late. Its a tradition too for her to come late now.
  When we meet, it's a real chaos. You got to have ten ears to hear and process all that is being said. Atleast two mouths are talking at a time. I have to continuously say ,"mute" and the other one to "play". This one is specially true to the clueless one (Shweta). She is the one who is always lost in a conversation and would keep asking ,"kya? kya?"
   Akshata is the one having ant's appetite.. I feed her cake and she would have only soup for dinner.. Gosh! I really envy her appetite.
   Gayatri is the super excited and queen of loud reaction.. Hehehe .. Gai that's why I tell you to eat less salt..
   Kalyani is the cold one(literally with cold hands)  but you know what girl? You are too soft to be a vampire.. I know of someone who will vouch for it. Happy that here there is no "like" button.. That someone would have been the first one to "like" this comment.. I guess you guys got it by now..

    This is the disgusting looking dish Kalyani ordered yesterday. If it weren't for the flash on the snap, the picture made it even more unpalatable. The moment this dish came we gave each other "the look".
     Akshata wasn't hungry. Shweta backed off from even trying this thing. Kalyani, as she had ordered this, took the first bite. Gayatri and I dared to put a fork into this and had a bite too and it wasn't as horrible as it looked. A few bites into it and we even forgot fidgeting about it.
     Gayatri was about to put the thing into her mouth when Kalyani commented,"Chalo keede khaate hai". Gayatri was like" eeeks" and put her fork down and the rest was finished up by me and Kalyani.. Trust Kalyani to say the yuckiest things about the appearance of food...

     The dessert is always fixed.. Belgium chocolate.. yummy.. there goes the food conciousness into the air and I relished my favourite dessert with them..

     The girls gifted me a beautiful kurta and very cute earrings..  Loved my gifts and all of them..

That's my birthday cake and I am still craving it.. Had the tinniest bite ever of my own birthday cake..


The actual surprise was from my dear little kid brother who gifted me a pen( He knows I still prefer writing than typing) and the most touching card ever given to me..

The unexpected thing that happened yesterday was that a long lost friend called me yesterday to wish me. I shared the most loveliest relation with her and when things got bad I was shattered. But as they say "time heals all the wounds" and when she called yesterday I really forgot all the angst I felt when she broke our friendship. I really think this birthday helped me see lot of things in a new light. 

In the end it comes down to who is there by your side... very rightly said and how true..................

THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PART OF MY LIFE...

random thoughts...

 This post is very different from what I do usually on this space.. Was going to open a new blog for all the personal teeny weeny details on my life.. would be like "life as i see it".. But college is time consuming and the left over time is spent in surfing.. Going to open the new space soon though.. Thinking of co-writing it.. Who would be interested in reading all the stuff I write? would be good to have some flavor in the blog..
       Today completed one year being an adult.. To my own disappointment, nothing has changed much. Let me count the things I can officially do but haven't
1) Get a driver's licence..  Been trying to convince parents to enroll me in a driving school.. atleast would have some proof of being a "major".
2) Vote.. now really who cares?? Its just about choosing the lesser evil.. Well I am not quite exciting about exercising this right but it would just add to my list. lols..
3)Get a passport.. One thing I keep asking Daddy.. Well he doesn't have his own.. The reply he gives is,"who knows if you decide to flee the country. I better not get involved in making this passport. Do it on your own when you go to work." Well this point is quite silly.. Having a passport and nowhere to go.
4) Watch a "A" certificate movie.. Now this is one thing I have planned for so much time but haven't been to even one.. Firstly I was the first one to turn adult in my friend's group and planning to watch a movie is a group activity.. I had to wait till all turn 18.. Now that all have turned 18 , I have become 19!!!!  The last one to turn 18 has already watched "No one killed Jessica" which was the recent "A" film. Kudos to that. Here I am still waiting for my chance.. Will someone please plan one??
5) Donate blood: yaay!! this one I have done.... 
6) Get married.. and legally.. but that's far an option... won't be walking the aisle so soon afterall..


the list here after runs on and on .. let your imagination go on...


Being 19 isn't as much fun as being sweet 16 or growing 18.. ! 19 is an odd figure... 20 is more enigmatic.. more liberating.. waiting to be 20.. by the way this is going to be my last year as a "teenager".. 19 has some significance after all!!!
         Things that made my day today...
1) bro waking me up at 12 and wishing me.. He was the first one to wish me!! Sorry friends you missed it this time..
2)my best friends all smsing me and eventually jamming my network ..
3) way2sms team wishing me at 00.01 am .. Might have made it to top 5 users of this service.. just kidding..
4) Dad gifting me a whole box of chocolates.. Unfortunately  I m trying reduce.. So all my chums are gonna get that chocolate.. cheers guys!!
5)My sweet nephew Shaurya who is just 2 years old managed to finally tell "hellow" to me on phone.. Di was trying to make him say Happy birthday to me... But hey he is no wonder kid who can utter  "czechoslovakia".. He uttered something rhyming to happy birthday and giggled away to glory.. Awww!!! that was priceless.. I adore him..




 let me meet the girls in the evening.. there would be more to talk of then.. They are complete pack of idiots I cannot live without.. 


 For those who remembered this day and wished me :" I love you people"


and for those who didn't:" Don't worry there would be more such birthdays to come.. and yeah I still love you people too" 


 Smile please.... :)





P.S : When I feed you cakes , remind me I am supposed to be reducing weight and don't stuff it into my mouth.. I won't be able to resist!!!

Monster and me!!

  Wednesday is the worst day of the week for me. That is the day when Mr. Chaudhary comes to teach maths to us fourth graders. I hate maths and he hates me. I am always the target in his class. He purposely gives me the toughest problems to solve on the blackboard .
   After another gruelling Wednesday at school, I was returning home. Monster would be at home today. Monster is my elder brother who is in first year of engineering. His name is Arav but I call him MONSTER privately because he behaves like one. He bosses me and wouldn't ever get up to pick up a pen he dropped. He was the topper of our school and going by his athletic record no one would believe if I describe how lazy he is at home. Chaudhary might have been his favourite teacher at school since their hobbies are so similar. Both love to bully me.
   I rang the doorbell one more time but Monster is probably too busy with his computer to open the door. I wish Mom didn't go to work and leave me with this Monster. I have begged her so many times to let me stay with Granny but she keeps putting it off by saying Granny is too old to look after me. Can't she see I am too young to look after Monster?
  He finally opened the door, rolled his eyes and went inside. What was he expecting? Angelina Jolie??  I wanted to go to my room ( which I shared with Monster) and sleep. Before I could even go inside, he had entered the room and shut the bedroom door on my face. The room was ,for all practical purposes, only his. I was allowed to enter only at night. I had to put with him for 3 more years before I could have a room all for myself.
   I picked up my Math notebook and started to try out some problems when he opened the door and called out,"Hey motu , come here". I hated it when he called me that but that was a way of life now. I was irritated with him now.
 "what is it?" I asked him.
 "Neha isn't picking up my call. Go and call her. Tell her I am asking her to come to our house"
I walked out in anger. I knew it was useless refusing him as he would keep on asking me to do it till I finally did agree to go.

I reluctantly walked upstairs to the flat of his girlfriend Neha. I hated her. It was quite an obvious pattern that I hated everything Monster did but Neha had never made it to my list of favourite people even prior to her becoming Monster's girl.
 She was slender and fair and was an inch shorter than Monster. She was the most famous girl in his class but for all the wrong reasons. She spoke with a weird accent. She had a string of admirers in school. She was Monster's girlfriend for 6 months now which was commendable for her. She always gave a fake smile to me and then behaved as if I didn't exist whenever she came to our home.
   I stood in front of her door which was half open. I rang the bell but it wasn't working. I was in two minds  whether to go inside uninvited or to head back home. I did the former and I really wished I had done the latter.
   The scene inside stupified me.



(to be continued)

love is not enough (part 3)

   He saw her and his face brightened up. She was the only girl in his life who had made him so crazy. He had been in relations earlier too but it was different with Renuka. He had never seen anyone so selfless. She could bear all the hurt and problems life hurled at her but never see her family facing any problem. He wanted a girl with such strong family values to be his life partner. He was convinced she didn't love Arun but was obliged to be in the relation because her parents wanted her to. He could wait for her as long as she wanted. Jai was confident that she was his true love and she would too realise it someday.
   He got up and gave her a quick hug when she reached the table. She sat down and her expression was more serious this time. He would tell her today everything. She was low and he could always make her smile. Today was a special day for him. Even though he had confessed his love for her several times, today he would ask her for marriage. He smiled to himself before he said," Renu, I want to ask you something very important."
   Renu sighed. She didn't want him to have a chance to pop the question. She said grimly," Jai, I want you to listen to me first." This time he noted that she was sad about something. He let her speak.
  "Jai you are very special to me and I like you a lot. But my family is very orthodox and they have been introduced to Arun already. They would never accept my decision to spend my life with anyone else. They have no financial support other than me. I have sisters who are soon going to be of marriagable age. I can't spoil the family reputation for my happiness. My sisters would have to pay for it and my parents would outcast me.What would they do without me? I can't ditch my family for my happiness." She had tears welled up in her eyes.
  Jai would never get to know that she had not once corresponded with her family in so many years. Her sisters were not lucky enough to escape the village and had all been married long back. She didn't have to think about anyone but herself.
  Jai had a look of dejection on his face. How could he hurt a girl like that? How could he leave her parents helpless because he wanted to marry her? His dreams were shattered now and the good news he recieved in the morning now seemed useless. He wanted to give her all the comforts but this girl wanted only the happiness of her family. How could he ever give her that? He knew that even if she married him she would repent it sooner or later. Her family meant everything to her. His respect for her had increased many folds now.
  "Renu ,I understand what you feel. I never had a family like you do and thought that a girl like you would complete my family. But for that, I can't let you sacrifice everything. I finally got the court case cleared and in a few days I will get my share of the estate. I wanted you to marry me. Now it seems all materialistic. I have the money but I don't have you. I don't want to be in this place any longer because it would remind me everyday what I lack in life. I am leaving for Assam today itself and will settle there to look after the estate. I wish you to be happy always. " He couldn't meet her eye and quietly made his exit.
    She was too stunned. What had she done? Not only did she lose a fortune but also the love of a person who had made her happy. She was foolish not to let him talk first. Love is not enough but this time it really was enough....