Memories of another life Part 4

         Read Part 1,Part 2 and Part 3

    Dear Shiven
       How do I ever tell you how grateful I m to you for giving me those beautiful memories which will remain cherished in my heart… For those laughters, those rainy afternoons, those carefree outings, that respect and dignity with which you treated me..  Maybe after this day I would never get to see you again.. Never experience the kind of love you gave me.. Somethings I want to share with you before I leave..

        When I met you the first time I was taken by your charm..your hair that flopped on your forehead and the way you set them back..Your wandering, lost gaze.. Everything pulled me closer to you..Your easy smile won me in the very first meeting.. I didn’t want to come close to you because I knew somewhere that I couldn’t bear to lose you. I wanted to be away from you so that you are safe from hurt.. But my heart wouldn’t agree and finally we had to be together.

        I used to wonder how life would be with you. How we would be if we married. How would it be to touch you, to kiss you.. Forbidden thoughts.. How it would be to live free from the constrains of religion. How it be to have your child..Somehow I always pictured you, me and a daughter..Our daughter.. I would pamper her all I can. A girl child deserved as much as a boy and much more than that.. I would give her all.. I would name her Tamanna.. our Tamanna… Ofcourse it is all childish.. We could never get married..

       Shiven move on in life..I would be very happy knowing that you have achieved great things in life..Shiven you always called me an angel..But you are my angel..My source of pure love.. Be happy my love.. Our love will live.

         Distances between us might be miles,                                

         But I will be with you through all your tears and                       smiles..

You have a part of me Shiven..You will always have sara..

                                                                                                                      Love  you always, 

                                                                                                                       

 His hands trembled so much that he couldn't hold the note in his hands.. Feeling weak he sat down on the bed.. Tears strolled down his cheeks..

His wife, Meera entered the room with a cup of coffee for him.. Seeing her husband crying silently, she quietly kept the cup on his writing table. She sat next to her husband, who seemed oblivious to her intervention. 

Through the years she had seen him wipe away tears when she came near him. Today he broke down..not strong enough to wipe away his tears..to hide his feelings..his pain.. She knew something troubled her husband..Something that was such a deep and raw wound that he wouldn't share it with anyone.. None of his friends knew what was wrong with him..

There was another girl in his life she knew..in past.. What had happened nobody knew.. She had waited patiently all these years for him to get over it.. Other than his silent weepings, he was a perfect husband..a doting father.. a teetoteller.. a responsible son.. 

Today curosity took better of her and she wanted to know what was that which created a wall between her and her husband..

She saw the note in his hands.. 

"That is why you insisted her name be Tamanna..." she said in a soft tone.. The intensity of Shiven's pain didn't get unnoticed by her. She knew Sara was someone integral to him and his life..Inwardly she was jealous and regretted the position Sara had made in his heart..She coveted the same place in her husband's life.. She wanted to please him.. She wanted him to forget Sara and give her prime importance..

To be truthful, Shiven had never denied her anything.. She led a comfortable life. There was a mutual understanding between them.. She herself was once madly in love when she was in college. She knew the pain that comes over when a loved one leaves.. Her boyfriend had ditched her for a better life in the US.. She had married Shiven 2 years after that.. She had pined for love but that had been overcome after marrying Shiven.. He respected  her decisions and opinions. Encouraged her to pursue her studies again.. Helped her with the household work and even done all the work himself during her exams.. What more could she want? But she did.. Now she was in love with Shiven... She had his baby.. She got pampered and loved as a wife could be.. But she wanted to be his lover..his soulmate... all that Sara must have been.. 

He had looked at her with reddened eyes when she asked.. 

"Meera.. Please I can't talk now.. Please leave me alone.." he pleaded..

"Shiven.. I m your wife.. I want to know what is it that hurts you so much... Why you don't sleep peacefully.. Why you cry even now.. She left you and that is all over.. Why don't you move on?"

"She never left me Meera... She never left me... I left her..." 

He broke down..

"What happened to her Shiven?" She asked waiting with bated breathe for the answer...