Witnessing a change.. Part 2

  For the first part read here

22/8/2010
Dear Diary,
           It's been a month since me and Ricky have been going around.. Things have changed so much in this short span.. Ricky has been distant lately.. I don't know what to do to please him..
          Maybe I m not that good a girlfriend.. I don't fit into his group.. My friends are anyway so much in their own world.. It's strange how I long to be with Ricky when I m away from him, but the moment we are together I want be back home..
          Last week we went to his cousin's party.. I had never been to such parties before.. I don't even have the kind of outfit worn at such parties.. Evening gowns, tunics, etc etc what not.. Fashion talks completely out of my sphere of knowledge.. All I know is they were all skimpy.. Something no one would dare wear on street.. I felt uncomfortable.. Ricky seemed to be enjoying the music ( I don't have an ear for such hard stuff) but I couldn't bring myself to dance with them.. I wanted to leave early, leaving him no option but to accompany me back..
          Once in the region where we could hear ourselves I felt sorry for spoiling his party..
"Ricky m sorry.. I just can't be like this people.. They are ..they are so different.." I was feeling low.
"Hey its ok baby.. You don't have to be like them.. You are special.. I love you for that." he said reassuringly..
         When we reached for the parking lot, I was just shocked to see his cousin and his girl in the car..
"Hey your cousin is here?"
"Leave them baby..must be making out.."
"The casuality in his tone made me feel like I m from some other planet.."
"What?"
"Nothing..isn't it rather too dangerous to do such things... I mean they aren't married.."
"Oh come on!! Everyone does it.. This is 21st century.. Don't tell me you aren't going to do it.."
"Ricky... lets just drop this subject.." I was getting nervous... Thankfully he let it go..

Diary, I love him a lot.. I trust him too.. I just get uncertain when the stark difference in our thoughts erupts.. Thinking about all this ado about making out before marriage... I really don't know... It's wrong .. I don't know why..



P.S (to be continued)

Witnessing a change..

5/8/2010

Dear Diary,

        Haven't been there to write much lately.. You must be thinking I forgot you.. How can I forget my only companion of those lonely nights I spent ..feeling hopeless and dejected..when writing to you was the only comfort I had.. I used to always think if I would ever find someone who can read you.. Reading you is reading my soul..

       Well, I think he is the one.. I have found someone to share my life with.. Yes my life is whirling with the joy of it.. I used to always wonder how falling in love would be.. Now I know its beautiful..  I must be the luckiest  girl in this world to have him..
       Can you guess who it is? You probably cannot fathom how deep my luck is running.. He is Ricky, the heartthrob of college.. Yes, every girl wants him but he is only mine now..forever..
        I don't know when I nurtured feelings for him.. You know I used to think he is a show-off and often avoid him.. My friends used to say he has dated all the beautiful girls in college.. Playboy they used to say.. Well if he could have anyone, then why did he chose me? considering that I don't even figure in the "good looking" criteria.. The only explanation is that he loves me for who I am and that is what matters,isn't it?
        My friends aren't talking to me ever since me and Ricky are a couple.. No it's not like they completely shunned any contact.. But you know, that sudden stopping of conversation when I enter..that low whisperings when I and Ricky are together.. They think I don't notice.. Maybe it's strange for them as they don't have any boyfriend so far.. I  hope someday they accept Ricky too.. They will realise he is a nice guy..
        Ricky says I need to trim down a bit.. I m working hard on it.. Right now I weigh 50 kg.. At the end of this month have to reduce atleast 2 kg.. It's not like I m changing myself for him, he would accept me anyhow.. But I want to do this for myself too.. All his friends have girlfriends with size zero figure.. Laila is always looking for a chance to taunt.. Laila that snobbish, irritating creature who thinks she is the coolest girl in college.. Me going out with Ricky must have hurt her ego..
        If I even start to tell you how Ricky and me fell in love I could be writing all night and still not complete.. To keep it short.. He came to the library (giving the librarian a mini heart attack) one fine day... He was totally at lose.. Finding no book small enough for him to read he came to sit where I was already sitting and started small talks.. ( I have reason to believe he never really came looking for a book anyway).. The result of those small talks is that we got thrown out of the library for making noise..
        It was embarrassing to say the least.. He apologized to me.. We ended up exchanging numbers and what followed was long night calls, daily texting, chatting etc etc..until on 22nd July he proposed to me... :) :) and what else could I say but yes??
         I used to wonder how it would be like to be on a date..bunk lectures.. meet secretly.. It's thrilling but at the same time I feel guilty.. no one knows that while I m actually supposed to be in library, I m in the neighbouring garden with Ricky.. He says its no big deal.. But its first time for me... Well there are a lot of first times...
         It's late now.. got to sleep.. will be back soon... goodnight.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


P.S to be continued ... :D

Battle of the mind..

          He came out of the house in the same disturbed mood as everyday. He was a meek husband and it gnawed his self-confidence long back. His wife was nagging as he left. If she had a billionaire of a husband then too she wouldn't be satisfied he thought. He wanted her to just die.. There was no other way he could get rid of her.

          He walked in haste to the station. She would be fuming with rage and he was frightened of her. He was sandwiched between the two women in his life and he had no control over either. He couldn't even decide which of them was a softer tyrant.

         She was pacing back and forth on that deserted platform. Her flaring nostrils made him nervous.

"You are late again. What do you think I m? Your servant?" She asked him without even looking at him once.

"I .. I m sorry.. She.. She didn't let me leave." He was sweating..

She glared at him with those furious eyes..

"Oh.. servicing her.. were you?" She gave a crooked evil grin..

 He didn't know why he had goosebumps.He hung his head in shame.. Why did she have to humiliate  him always..

"Speak to me you dumb creature.. Did she fold your tongue too?" She was shrieking..

He looked around tensely.. A few commuters had come and were staring at them.

HE pulled her aside.

"Talk calmly.. At least spare me some respect.." he pleaded her.

"As if you have any respect. She has made you her dog.. Why doesn't she put a belt around your neck too?" She screamed ruthlessly..

He was red in the face. He had been hurled enough abuses at from both of them. Only his wife didn't know about her but she knew about his wife and took every opportunity to degrade him..

HE was aware of the whispers behind his back. He was in dilemma.. HE knew if he left she would follow him to his office and create a scene there.. On the other hand if he stayed at the station she would still not relent.

She pulled his hair violently. HE struggled to lose her grip.

"Listen to me you idiot when I m talking to you. Don't ogle at other women on the station." She stomped her feet..

"Ok Ok I m sorry.. I was just checking if the train has come." 

"Oh yes, the dog has to catch the train and then slog for his mistress.. Feed her make and make her plump so she has enough energy to order you around. I m leaving you." Saying so she started walking out.

The thought of her leaving broke his heart. He needed her..She was like his drug. Harming him when she was there but still he couldn't bear to live without her.

"Please..please don't go.." he held her hand.

"Leave me you bastard. Go to your wife and rejoice in your slavery. " She started throwing up her arms in the air to free herself.

"I will come early from now.. I will.. I will I promise." He didn't care if the people around laughed at the sight of him crying.. He was sobbing to melt her heart..

"Ok fine... Meet me tomorrow and we will hatch a plan to get rid of that bitch.. Now go.."

"You promise you will meet me here tomorrow?" He asked her..

"I will come.." saying so she left..

He boarded his train smiling.. She would be there with him...

On the station..

"Did you see that man?" the boy asked.

"Yes... at first I thought he was talking on the earphone.. But there wasn't any.." the girl replied.

"Arrey pagal.. He is a madman.. Comes to station everyday and talks to himself.. You saw his drama na." the boy laughed.

"I was soo scared. How come nobody stops him at home only.. Ghar pe bhi pagal honge.." she said.

"Hey I m there na .why to get scared? forget about him..let's go to college." and they both left the station.

P.S : You must have seen many such people talking,crying, shouting and laughing to themselves.. For the world they are mad people.. But they live a life wherein there is no differentiation between reality and illusion. Often they are threatened,abused and made to go to extreme steps due to this condition..Like here the man is threatened and abused by his imaginary lover. Such people are schizophrenic..This condition may result from emotional traumas too.. and is becoming more and more common in people today.. for more information on the same visit http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001925/

Decision....

             She mentally went over everything again.

             She had burnt her diary.

             She had refrained from calling anyone for one month.

             She had searched through her belongings, destroying
             everything that could lead to a clue.

             Satisfied with her preparedness ,she prayed for
             forgiveness.

             A tear rolled down her cheek as

             She jumped off the lonely terrace...

To be in a city of death...

         I was in the city I loved. It is my native place ( though it is far more modern that what can be passed as a native place).  I remember the day in all details..
           I was 7.30 am in the morning when the room service ( the lone man in charge at the morning) brought in tea. I was nibbling my buns in peace when he entered and said in all urgency to my father," Switch on the T.V .. A flight has crashed." 
           It didn't ring any alarms. Crashes happened in distant places and had to be seen on TV when still in news. My father asked where the crash happened. 
"In our very own Bajpe airport in Mangalore." His answer jolted me. Everyone in the room sat in complete silence as the news kept pouring in. TV9 a local news channel brought in footages live and shocking.
          It was raining outside, adding to the feel of gloom in the city. The streets were silent. Everyone was mourning. A city coming together in grief.. The only image flashing everywhere was
           
        We were on a eight day visit to the city. We had planned to go to a temple that day which was on the borders of Kerela. It so happened that maximum people on board in the plane were from this region. On our way back , our bus had to stop at multiple halts as the roads were blocked for the quick movement of ambulances. I looked outside the window. There was an ambulance right next to the bus. Inside I could see a deadbody covered in white sheets and tied in various places. The whole lane looked grief-stricken. We could just send silent prayers to the family of all the victims.
  
        In just one crash, families perished. Women waiting for their husbands coming from gulf countries had their eyes on the gate, from which their husbands would never come. Mothers lost their only earning member. Sisters lost their brother coming home for their wedding. In just a few minutes all the celebrations  turned into mourning...
      The initial panic of making sure all our relatives in Dubai or other gulf countries were fine settled down.


       I was in a restaurant very close to one of the hospitals were the bodies were taken into.. Some doctors from the hospital were there to have breakfast. From their conversation I could gauge that they had been working the whole day at the hospital assisting in every possible way the distraught relatives of the victims. Doctors are habitual to seeing dead bodies. When their order came they could not touch the food, forget about having a morsel.. They paid the bill and silently walked out.. A few eyes watched them in silent understanding..


            Later in the evening I knew why they couldn't eat.We were out for dinner at a relative's place. A local channel aired the shots taken at the hospital. Bodies charred beyond recognition. Parts disintegrated. I lost my appetite there. The images were later censored but I just cannot imagine what would have passed over the people in whose home the tragedy struck. Only 6 miraculous survivors to lived through it. and 158 people dead..
            The days following the crash were those only of stories.. Stories of people staying near the airport who live in the agony of those voices they heard before the fire engulfed everything. People who tried help those inside shouting "Bachao bachao" but couldn't as much as go to stretch out their hands.. It was all heart aching...
            The plane didn't land at the required angle and the pilot took the decision too late to take up again , only to realise they have run out of the tabletop runway and tumbled down into the forest...
            
            
            Imagine what must have gone through those people who let out happy smiles when they could finally see their homeland.. They almost touched the motherland.. A whole lot of joy awaiting them.. They could see the distant base where their families must be waving.. But the flight isn't halting.. Why? .. Before they could have another thought they are heading straight into the forest and in no time the entire plane is on fire.. Yes .. they can see a narrow escape.. But they have an entire family to take out with.. They wouldn't be able to live even if they survive alone.. Some people are moving out... But the heat is unbearable now.. The throat is running dry with shrieks that are now inaudible... Slowly there is no sensation.... They lose consciousness due to suffocation and their soul leaves for the abode....
            


           Those waiting at the airport for their loved ones to arrive let out sighs of joy when they saw the plane landing and then the panic on seeing the plane going into the forest and the helplessness when it was up in flames....
         


            To see a planecrash on T.V and keep tracking it till we get all records.. To nod our heads at the helplessness and pray for the departed ones.. To comment on the infrastructure and the cheapness of Indian life.. is all very easy....
           To be in the city of death and live each moment of pain.. To feel guilty for every smile... is something that can only be known to those who have been there...  Worst to those who have lost someone...


         Yes, it was hours later when the blackbox was found and a year after it was decoded ,we get a report.. It was what every Indian knew... The pilot was asleep for 1 hr 40 mins of the 3hr 5min flight. It was between 2am to 5am when it is most difficult to wake up and be alert. So all blame on the pilot who is no longer there to justify his case if the report is true or not.. I don't know what to believe.. This is what the report has to say http://www.hindustantimes.com/Mangalore-crash-Pilot-nodded-off/Article1-627183.aspx


         Yes, the report is out.. There will be amendments and discussions about it.. The relatives of these victims will keep fighting for the discrepancies in the insurance money.. Life goes on.. The rest of the nation has long forgotten about the crash.. No lessons learnt.. Amendments but no one will see if they are carried out as well..until another "short-time eye opener" crash happens.... The cycle repeats...


P.S : If you are wondering what triggered this sudden outburst then let me tell you that this was something I will never forget.. May 22nd 2010 will always be etched.. The report last week just opened those wounds...


P.P.S : Though this isn't necessary, but just for the record this is NONFICTION
  


  

Loyal love..

 His heart leapt in joy when he saw her coming.

 He had refused to believe that she dumped him.

 He had missed her fragrance around the house.

 There was so much he wanted to tell her, but all he did when she  hugged him, stroking his head was

Bowwow...

and he licked her face.



P.S : My first attempt at 55 fiction... Tried to keep it as simple as possible...

Yeyayah my first tag!!

Ten how’s: 

1. How did you get one of your scars? fell down from a swing.. 

2. How did you celebrate your last birthday? at home and later with friends

3. How are you feeling at this moment? bored but content with life

4. How did your night go last night? slept late after reading a book

5. How did you do in high school?aww I was good!!

6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? shopped with mom :)

7. How often do you see your best friend(s)? often.can't live without them

8. How much money did you spend last month? about 1000 bucks

9. How old do you want to be when you get married? 23 :)

10. How old will you be at your next birthday? 20

Nine what’s:

1. Your mother's name? Mrs. Vasanthi Bhatnagar

2. What did you do last weekend?studied a lot for exam :( 

3. What is the most important part of your life? love of everybody I care for.

4. What would you rather be doing? reading a book or be on the beach :P

5. What did you last cry over? fight with a friend 

6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? chocolates .. sweet words of someone special would do :)

7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? Love and respect for me...

8. What are you worried about? Exam :(

O9. What did you have for breakfast? idli and chutney

Eight Have you-s:

1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? nope!!

2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? nooo!!

3. Have you ever been out of the country? No

4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? many times 

5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? yep ..

6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? no :| ...

7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? no...

8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? yes..5.someone and night at callcentre

Seven who’s:

1. Who was the last person you saw?My dad

2. Who was the last person you texted? Nupura

3. Who was the last person you hung out with? My College friends

4. Who was the last person to call you? Someone special :)

5. Who did you last hug? My mom yesterday 

6. Who is the last person who texted you? Gayatri

7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? someone special five minutes back..

Six where’s:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live? In same cities, same and different localities, at home

2. Where did you last go? My Bro's school

3. Where did you last hang out? Juhu beach

4. Where do you go to school? charkop, mumbai

5. Where is your favorite place to be? My room :)

6. Where did you sleep last night? In my bed with my pillows

Five do’s:

1. Do you think anyone likes you?  yes

2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? no

3. Do you know the muffin man? Huh??... No.

4. Does the future scare you? sometimes! 

5. Do your parents know about your blog? nop :P!

Four why’s:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? coz they let me be the way I m and are complete freaks themselves :P

2. Why did you get into Blogging? to share my thoughts 

3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? ? They liked it :)

4. Why are you doing this survey? because someone tagged me for the first time :)

Three if’s:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be? wish I could fly :)

2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?yeah many things

3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? someone special...

Two would-you-ever’s:

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? not possible coz i don't have an ex :P lols

2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? ofcourse its a small price to pay ;) 

One last question:

1. Are you happy with your life right now? 

yes its fairytale right now !! :) me happy happy !!

Thanks Chirag for tagging me and I enjoyed doing this ..

I would like to tag Redhanded, Anoop and all my other blogger friends :)