Saturday, April 14, 2018

The curse of beauty

                   She stared at her reflection in the mirror, wiping her tears from her damp face. The summer heat was unbearable, her clothes stuck to her skin even as she was gasping for breath between sobs. Once again, she fought the urge to hit her head on the glass and ruin the face that had caused her so much agony. While she was still struggling with her thoughts, he came back to her. She did not even have a moment to cry in despair. He begged her to stay back, his moist eyes pleading her to understand his love. Like always, she gave in to his unreasonable demands after some time. He would not leave her alone until she did as he wished. It was the same story repeating every time, but it was not how this story began.

               
                    He belonged to an affluent family of their times. Their family had acres of lands cultivating rice and a variety of vegetables enough to sustain the whole village. The transport in the village was their monopoly as they owned all the vehicles that connected to the town. He was the youngest and most pampered son. Even though he could have chosen to manage their farms or transport business, he chose to move away from it and make his mark in the city. At a young age, he moved to the city and decided to set up a textile shop in the heart of the city. It was easy to start with the support of his father who sold a few vehicles in their village. When he had established himself well, it was time for his family to look for a suitable bride for him. He was the most eligible bachelor and proposals from nearby villages were flooding, but his parents had other plans. They wanted a bride who was from a poor family and would always be submissive to her husband.
                                                   
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                  She was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes on. Her fair, flawless skin glowed in the plain, cotton pink saree that she had draped. When she looked at him with her dark brown eyes, his heart skipped a beat. It did not take much for his parents to know that their son was enchanted by this girl. They became skeptic that the girl would have their son hen pecked and were not too keen on the match now. But, he had fallen head over heels in love with her and rebelled to the extent that he refused to marry anyone else. Giving in to his wish, the parents agreed and within a month she became his bride.

                It was the happiest day of their lives. She was blissfully unaware of what a vision she was on her wedding day. Relatives from far away places had heard of her and had come to attend the wedding. Beaming with pride next to her, her husband had the most victorious smile. For him, she was the trophy wife. He had never felt as accomplished as that before. She hardly knew the man she had married, but she knew he adored her already.

               The first night that they spent together, he couldn't take his eyes off her. She looked so delicate, so pure that he was scared of hurting her. She looked terrified on her part. He sat beside her, talking to her about her likes, her dislikes and everything he could think of. Slowly she began to relax in his presence and opened up to him. Before they knew, it was the crack of the dawn and relatives started hustling about for the feast to follow. They had spent the night sleepless, talking.

               As per rituals, the girl had to leave for her parent's house following the feast. When the time had come for her to go with her parents, her husband was teary eyed much to the embarrassment of his family. It was something that people laughed about for years to come. But for her, it would remain a memory she would revisit fondly. It was then that she had wholeheartedly given herself to him for a lifetime.

             When she returned back, they move to their house in the city. Those were the blissful days of their wedded life. She set up the house beautifully, cooked for him during the day. He started coming home earlier than usual, accompanying her to temples. They had numerous invites for lunch and dinner after marriage at their relatives' houses. Everytime someone commented on the beauty of his wife, his chest swelled with pride. The initial days rolled by with ease. Though his absence was affecting the business, he kept leaving early to spend time with his wife.

                                     
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            In the third month of their marriage, she became pregnant with his child. Their joy knew no bounds. Since it was her first pregnancy, it was assumed she would stay with her parents till the child was a few months old as per customs. The thought of parting from his wife for months was unbearable for him. He refused to let her go to her parents. Instead, he came home earlier to take care of her. He missed work when she was unwell. His negligence to the business was now turning to losses. The numbers started dwindling, the cash inflow reduced. He was hanging on to the business on his finger nails but his priority remained his wife. In the final month of her pregnancy, her parents joined them to help with the delivery. Even then he hardly left her side. He was terrified of losing her in childbirth.

             She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She couldn't have been happier in her life. Even though he wished for a baby boy secretly, he was happy to see his baby girl. He started becoming more regular with his business as a new sense of responsibility arose in him. She spent all her time with the baby. When he returned in the evening, she was exhausted with all the work. Many nights she stayed awake as the baby cried in the cradle and then slept with the baby between them. He had lost his wife, all he could see was the mother of his child. He even started resenting the child sometimes. She could feel his aloofness. She tried to be cheerful around him but she herself was dealing with gloominess that she couldn't explain. With no one to share her thoughts with, she was increasingly getting depressed.

            It was a confusing phase of her life. She was grappling with the new motherhood, but she was also failing as  a wife. Every time he came close to her, she moved away. As the child started growing, her interaction with the outside world also grew. She talked to the neighboring women who came to see the baby, went to the doctor for the vaccination, started shopping for baby on her own. Her social circle was slowly increasing. It was during this time that he started becoming increasingly insecure. Each time someone said they had met her in the market, or commented on how she hadn't changed one bit after pregnancy, he felt uneasy. He would go home and make love to her passionately. If she was exhausted and tried to deny him, he would be furious and blame her of not loving him anymore. She would give in out of guilt. She could not identify when his insecurity became his obsession. He would drop in home at unexpected hours. Some days he would go to his shop and return within an hour to simply be at home with her. By now, the business couldn't be sustained and he had taken heavy loans in the market. He made his father sell all of their vehicles to get some more cash inflow. His family started resenting her and blamed her for keeping her husband home all the time. For them, she was the one who was tempting her husband to stay with her, while she was herself struggling with his excessive love.

              At last he had to close his business. The loses were so huge that he had to sell his house in the city to pay for it. They moved back to his village. They had become talk of the village. She had got used to the taunts of bringing about downfall of his business. Being the same village as his relatives also meant more family functions to attend. Wherever she went, he accompanied her. Her mother-in-law was fed up of her son not working and asked her to stay at home. She was socially isolated but at home she was not spared of the taunts. When he saw her crying, he too broke down. He fought with his father and asked for his share in the inheritance. Nobody had ever asked for inheritance while the head of the family was still alive. They cursed her for separating their son. He sold his part of the lands and with the money built a new house away from his family home. She thought this would be their new start. How wrong she had been..

            Once again she was alone in the house and he would be worried about who would come to visit. She had long stopped going to any function or visiting any relatives but a friend or relative would sometimes drop to their place. She wasn't sure if he had doubts on her loyalty or was petrified of someone winning over her, but the presence of another human being near her would make him anxious. After trying his hand at textile business, he was giving agriculture business a shot. A few months it had actually run into profits, but soon he returned to his old ways and started coming home early. If someone happened to join them for tea, he would tell her to stay inside and himself serve tea and snacks. Soon, they again became a subject for ridicule. People started avoiding their house. She was pushed deeper into isolation. He started running into debts again and went to his father again to ask for more money. This time, his family refused to give him a single penny. He broke off all ties with them and again sold the house to pay for the loans.

            With no other alternative, they moved into a remote village closer to her parents's house. It was a place where she had many friends and relatives. Familiarity and her own people made her happy. She began to be cheerful again. Her daughter too was growing up to be a replica of her mother. He was overjoyed to see his wife just like he had married her. But he discouraged her from leaving the house for any purpose. She was ready to do that as well as long as he regularly worked and made life easier for them. But she knew it would only last for sometime. But this time he had a plan. He bought a piece of land in the interiors of the village which was difficult to access. They were practically the only humans in that stretch of land. The house was literally atop a plateaued land and had coconut trees all around it. They had a walk a bit to go to the main road. No one ever visited them there.

            It had been  6 months since she had seen another human apart from her daughter and husband. She was craving for normal human company. Once in a while he took her to see her parents but even there she hardly had time to talk to them alone. For those who saw them, she was lucky to have a husband who showered her with so much love. He practically did everything possible to make her life comfortable except let her be on her own! Every time she fought with him, he would be devastated and plead for forgiveness. It was frustrating to hate a man who loved her so much. She no longer knew if she loved him or pitied him. He was scared that another human being would influence her to leave him or love another. He confessed this during one of his break downs. In his thoughts, she was the perfect human ever and at no cost did he want anyone to take her away from him. That is what his nightmares were made of. She wondered what she had done wrong to give such impression. She had always loved him and kept his needs above anything else. Why did he feel that she would think of leaving him and behaved in a way that would actually make her want to? She couldn't have imagined her palace of happiness would turn to a prison with no escape.

                                             
                                                                     Image courtesy
           She was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes on. Her beauty had killed every happiness in their life. She wished she was just an ordinary looking girl. She hated to see the mirror that reminded her of her fate. While those who knew her still admired her beauty, her dark brown eyes had a sad story that only she knew..