Wednesday, April 27, 2011


             She mentally went over everything again.
             She had burnt her diary.

             She had refrained from calling anyone for one month.

             She had searched through her belongings, destroying
             everything that could lead to a clue.

             Satisfied with her preparedness ,she prayed for

             A tear rolled down her cheek as

             She jumped off the lonely terrace...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

To be in a city of death...

         I was in the city I loved. It is my native place ( though it is far more modern that what can be passed as a native place).  I remember the day in all details..
           I was 7.30 am in the morning when the room service ( the lone man in charge at the morning) brought in tea. I was nibbling my buns in peace when he entered and said in all urgency to my father," Switch on the T.V .. A flight has crashed." 
           It didn't ring any alarms. Crashes happened in distant places and had to be seen on TV when still in news. My father asked where the crash happened. 
"In our very own Bajpe airport in Mangalore." His answer jolted me. Everyone in the room sat in complete silence as the news kept pouring in. TV9 a local news channel brought in footages live and shocking.
          It was raining outside, adding to the feel of gloom in the city. The streets were silent. Everyone was mourning. A city coming together in grief.. The only image flashing everywhere was
        We were on a eight day visit to the city. We had planned to go to a temple that day which was on the borders of Kerela. It so happened that maximum people on board in the plane were from this region. On our way back , our bus had to stop at multiple halts as the roads were blocked for the quick movement of ambulances. I looked outside the window. There was an ambulance right next to the bus. Inside I could see a deadbody covered in white sheets and tied in various places. The whole lane looked grief-stricken. We could just send silent prayers to the family of all the victims.
        In just one crash, families perished. Women waiting for their husbands coming from gulf countries had their eyes on the gate, from which their husbands would never come. Mothers lost their only earning member. Sisters lost their brother coming home for their wedding. In just a few minutes all the celebrations  turned into mourning...
      The initial panic of making sure all our relatives in Dubai or other gulf countries were fine settled down.

       I was in a restaurant very close to one of the hospitals were the bodies were taken into.. Some doctors from the hospital were there to have breakfast. From their conversation I could gauge that they had been working the whole day at the hospital assisting in every possible way the distraught relatives of the victims. Doctors are habitual to seeing dead bodies. When their order came they could not touch the food, forget about having a morsel.. They paid the bill and silently walked out.. A few eyes watched them in silent understanding..

            Later in the evening I knew why they couldn't eat.We were out for dinner at a relative's place. A local channel aired the shots taken at the hospital. Bodies charred beyond recognition. Parts disintegrated. I lost my appetite there. The images were later censored but I just cannot imagine what would have passed over the people in whose home the tragedy struck. Only 6 miraculous survivors to lived through it. and 158 people dead..
            The days following the crash were those only of stories.. Stories of people staying near the airport who live in the agony of those voices they heard before the fire engulfed everything. People who tried help those inside shouting "Bachao bachao" but couldn't as much as go to stretch out their hands.. It was all heart aching...
            The plane didn't land at the required angle and the pilot took the decision too late to take up again , only to realise they have run out of the tabletop runway and tumbled down into the forest...
            Imagine what must have gone through those people who let out happy smiles when they could finally see their homeland.. They almost touched the motherland.. A whole lot of joy awaiting them.. They could see the distant base where their families must be waving.. But the flight isn't halting.. Why? .. Before they could have another thought they are heading straight into the forest and in no time the entire plane is on fire.. Yes .. they can see a narrow escape.. But they have an entire family to take out with.. They wouldn't be able to live even if they survive alone.. Some people are moving out... But the heat is unbearable now.. The throat is running dry with shrieks that are now inaudible... Slowly there is no sensation.... They lose consciousness due to suffocation and their soul leaves for the abode....

           Those waiting at the airport for their loved ones to arrive let out sighs of joy when they saw the plane landing and then the panic on seeing the plane going into the forest and the helplessness when it was up in flames....

            To see a planecrash on T.V and keep tracking it till we get all records.. To nod our heads at the helplessness and pray for the departed ones.. To comment on the infrastructure and the cheapness of Indian life.. is all very easy....
           To be in the city of death and live each moment of pain.. To feel guilty for every smile... is something that can only be known to those who have been there...  Worst to those who have lost someone...

         Yes, it was hours later when the blackbox was found and a year after it was decoded ,we get a report.. It was what every Indian knew... The pilot was asleep for 1 hr 40 mins of the 3hr 5min flight. It was between 2am to 5am when it is most difficult to wake up and be alert. So all blame on the pilot who is no longer there to justify his case if the report is true or not.. I don't know what to believe.. This is what the report has to say

         Yes, the report is out.. There will be amendments and discussions about it.. The relatives of these victims will keep fighting for the discrepancies in the insurance money.. Life goes on.. The rest of the nation has long forgotten about the crash.. No lessons learnt.. Amendments but no one will see if they are carried out as well..until another "short-time eye opener" crash happens.... The cycle repeats...

P.S : If you are wondering what triggered this sudden outburst then let me tell you that this was something I will never forget.. May 22nd 2010 will always be etched.. The report last week just opened those wounds...

P.P.S : Though this isn't necessary, but just for the record this is NONFICTION


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Loyal love..

 His heart leapt in joy when he saw her coming.

 He had refused to believe that she dumped him.

 He had missed her fragrance around the house.

 There was so much he wanted to tell her, but all he did when she  hugged him, stroking his head was


and he licked her face.

P.S : My first attempt at 55 fiction... Tried to keep it as simple as possible...

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Yeyayah my first tag!!

Ten how’s: 
1. How did you get one of your scars? fell down from a swing.. 
2. How did you celebrate your last birthday? at home and later with friends
3. How are you feeling at this moment? bored but content with life
4. How did your night go last night? slept late after reading a book
5. How did you do in high school?aww I was good!!
6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? shopped with mom :)
7. How often do you see your best friend(s)? often.can't live without them
8. How much money did you spend last month? about 1000 bucks
9. How old do you want to be when you get married? 23 :)
10. How old will you be at your next birthday? 20

Nine what’s:

1. Your mother's name? Mrs. Vasanthi Bhatnagar
2. What did you do last weekend?studied a lot for exam :( 
3. What is the most important part of your life? love of everybody I care for.
4. What would you rather be doing? reading a book or be on the beach :P
5. What did you last cry over? fight with a friend 
6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? chocolates .. sweet words of someone special would do :)
7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? Love and respect for me...
8. What are you worried about? Exam :(
O9. What did you have for breakfast? idli and chutney

Eight Have you-s:

1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? nope!!
2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? nooo!!
3. Have you ever been out of the country? No
4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? many times 
5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? yep ..
6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? no :| ...
7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? no...
8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? yes..5.someone and night at callcentre

Seven who’s:

1. Who was the last person you saw?My dad
2. Who was the last person you texted? Nupura
3. Who was the last person you hung out with? My College friends
4. Who was the last person to call you? Someone special :)
5. Who did you last hug? My mom yesterday 
6. Who is the last person who texted you? Gayatri
7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? someone special five minutes back..

Six where’s:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live? In same cities, same and different localities, at home
2. Where did you last go? My Bro's school
3. Where did you last hang out? Juhu beach
4. Where do you go to school? charkop, mumbai
5. Where is your favorite place to be? My room :)
6. Where did you sleep last night? In my bed with my pillows

Five do’s:

1. Do you think anyone likes you?  yes
2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? no
3. Do you know the muffin man? Huh??... No.
4. Does the future scare you? sometimes! 
5. Do your parents know about your blog? nop :P!

Four why’s:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? coz they let me be the way I m and are complete freaks themselves :P
2. Why did you get into Blogging? to share my thoughts 
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? ? They liked it :)
4. Why are you doing this survey? because someone tagged me for the first time :)

Three if’s:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be? wish I could fly :)
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?yeah many things
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? someone special...

Two would-you-ever’s:

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? not possible coz i don't have an ex :P lols
2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? ofcourse its a small price to pay ;) 

One last question:

1. Are you happy with your life right now? 
yes its fairytale right now !! :) me happy happy !!
Thanks Chirag for tagging me and I enjoyed doing this ..

I would like to tag Redhanded, Anoop and all my other blogger friends :)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Little superstitions..

     Ideally this post should have been a part of Soul-stormers, my other blog where I write about myself and my thoughts.. This post is something I always wanted to share about (even at the cost of being disagreed upon). Many of the statements are "was-on-the-verge-of-saying-but-shut-my-mouth-instead" types.. But what the heck!! This is my space and I m free to write here.. (Open to debate that I am, feel free to comment I won't take any offence..)
     I was with one of my friends and out of the blue, the topic of tantrik babas (yeah they are all over the place in Mumbai) came up and she was laughing upon the stupidity of people who approach such men in hope of relief. This was the ad stuck in train compartment we were talking about.
When we alighted from the train she started moving in the opposite direction. I asked her what happened when she said," There is a black cat approaching from the other side". :) This is the little superstitions I was talking about !!

Some might argue that these all ideas are passed on to us for generations and have been followed till date. There must be some reason, our ancestors certainly weren't fools!

I agree 100%.. Our ancestors weren't fools..!!

It is said that keeping one's footwear upside down brings badluck.. Certainly if someone just orders you to keep your footwear in order, you would take it lightly.. But the fear of badluck makes you always keep your footwear in the right position. Who ever said ancestors were fools??

There are n number of examples of the same kind one can give for many other little superstitions carried on in our families.

I particularly am against the feeling of impurity some females feel when they aren't supposed to touch anyone for 4 days of the month.. The very reason why women are put on such a high pedestal is because of their gift to conceive life.. Then how can the working of this gift be impure??

I know of friends who are not even allowed to enter the kitchen during this time..
So once I happened to ask one of them why they are put through this, so came the reply

"Wo hamare ghar me bhagwaan hai na" (refering to the family deity they have in their house)

I find it funny how people can limit God to a small temple room in their homes!! Hello God is omnipotent if you got the concept rightly.. If I m under the sun then I can well be in any temple any time of the year.

The few sane reasons I can think about (with inputs from my Mom, she too is against this) for these tradition are..

1. Not allowing into the kitchen..
In good old days where many women used to cook for the house, a woman could afford to rest and not enter the kitchen on such days.. This is still true in many homes in the native.

2. Not entering the temple..
Basically the idea is not to be in contact with fire.. The oil lamps are not to lighted because it is believed that it causes havoc with the hormonal changes and extreme mood changes during those days.

3. Staying outside the familial house.
Just to stay away from some embarrassments.. :P :P

Little superstitions vary from stepping over shit (its considered good luck, the reason I could think was to wash over the yucky feeling) to spilling of milk... and all must be having their own reasons..

If you tell a child to sleep because "early to bed, early to rise would make him healthy,wealthy and wise" would he sleep early??
What if you said "Sleep else ghosts will come?"
Different results right??

If you tell a school kid to do his homework for his better understanding, would he do it?
What if you said,"do homework else  you would get punished?"

That's how the human nature is! We work not for the betterment but for the fear of loss!!
That is the psychology our ancestors used..

Little superstitions are as irritating and as destructive as the ones like sacrifice and blindfaith in babas..

The opinions above are my own and you are free to differ.. I just gave a piece of my mind... I anyway do what I please...I  have broken many of the little superstitions around me but I don't make anyone do the same.. To each one his own is my philosophy...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lies (the end)

It was Monday morning.. Riya was the first one to wake up.. Amit was sleeping.. How innocent he looked while sleeping.. It was hard to believe how her life had changed over the weekend.. This was pure magic...

She was now awaiting the next weekend when they would get to spend so much time again.. Today morning she had to go to work.. She had a quick shower and made breakfast.. She went to wake up Amit..

"Wake up baby, the holiday is over.. Time to go back to work.."

He propped his head on his hand and asked her," Do you have to go to work?"

She blushed as she realised what plans he had in mind... "Yes.."

"Then you leave me no option.." saying so he pulled her to himself....

She was already late.. She stopped an auto and went to the classes.. Throughout the day her mind kept wandering to Amit.. He had told he would come home by 8... She could not wait for her class to get over..

She climbed up the stairs and first looked at his door.. It was locked...

She went home and showered.. She made dinner and sat back to watch Tv... It was 11 in the night yet no sign of Amit.. She called him a few times but no reply...

She ate some food and was about to call Amit again when she got a call...

It was a number she had saved in her mobile as "MAD".. He was a pervert who had harassed her on phone  for sometime.. It had been long since she had receive a call from the number... She often ignored that call but today she was going to teach the bastard a lesson.. She wished Amit was here so that he could hurl abuses at the caller...

"Hello baby"
"Stop callling me you idiot.. If I get a single call after this I will report you to the police."
"Oh really??"
"Just stop calling me.. I m warning you the last time."
"Coool baby, you weren't so wild yesterday night."
That statement sent a chill down her spine.. Her hands were trembling..
"Who the hell are you??"
"Ohooo!! You interested in me honey?? I didn't know you were so easy...Just two days to get you into bed??"
"Shut up you loser.. Don't talk rubbish". But she was losing her confidence... How did he know what had happened yesterday? Had Amit filmed her?? No that was not possible.. She had unconciously looked all around the room last night...
"Rubbish you say?? Don't tell me that everything between us was rubbish!! You could have stopped me but you didn't.. So you want me baby.. "
"Who are you?" She dreaded to hear the answer...
Her world was spinning fast and she knew she would trip over now.. She was getting sick...
"I wont leave you, you bastard" She felt her strength draining...
"Wow so you are so obsessed with me now?? But sorry baby.. I have lost interest in you.. I have to admit that you were really wonderful even though you came very easy.."
His words made her puck...
"Bye bye dear.. I don't give a damn about you now.. You will always be second hand now.. " and the phone clicked...
She was on the floor... Her world had turned tipsy turvy... Why .. Oh why had she crossed her limits.. Why had she not verified about him...

She heard the neighboring door open.. She stood on her toes to peep who it was.. It was Mrs Gupta.. She opened the door.. Yes Mrs Gupta would know Amit..

"Hello Mrs Gupta"
"Hello Riya.. what are you doing up so late my child?"
"Just heard you come.. Aunty where is Amit..?"
"Amit?? who is Amit beta?"
She didn't know what to answer to that..

"Er.. The guy who was staying at your place? Wasn't he your nephew?"
"Oh that must be Rohan.. He is not my nephew honey.. He is just a struggling model who came here for an audition. He was ready to pay for the 3 days stay and as you know I do not have any of my valuables in this flat I agreed. What was the harm right? He just needed a roof.."
She knew talking any further would raise suspicion.. She couldn't tell anyone about what had happened.. Her family reputation would be at stake.. She called his number again... Both the numbers were now unavailable.. He must have destroyed the card... He was a liar.. She knew he wasn't Rohan..He must have acquired sim cards too on false records.. There was no way to punish him..

She hid her face between her knees and cried aloud in agony...

Her phone rang.. IT was Mom..

"Riya beta are you fine?"
"Yes ma" she tried to sound normal.
"Is anything wrong beta.."
"No mom why do you ask?"
"Nothing beta I'm getting a bit restless.. Let it be, the fears of a mother.. "
Her tears were flowing continously.. Protective instincts of a mother never went wrong... How true...
"Nothing mom.. I m a bit tired.. Long day na soo"
"Ok beta sleep.. Lock the door properly ok."
"Yes I would."

Lock the door!! When she should have locked the doors of the heart she let him come freely.. When she should have locked the doors of physical closeness, she let him taint her.... She had lost to him.....

Never again..Never again would she be able to love and trust men...

Lies 4

          Riya woke up early the next day.. She prepared breakfast for both of them.. She sat in the balcony reading newspaper.. She was waiting for him..
          It was 9... She went out to call him but his door was locked. She wondered where he had gone so early in the morning. She could not define what she was feeling .. Maybe she was feeling insecure by his absence..
          He came around 11.. She looked at him questioningly..
"Sorry I had some work" he said and she left it at that..

They had breakfast and then planned to go out.. He took her to Essel world.. The thrills of joyrides are best experienced with someone to hold on to.. She was never the one for such ideas. He urged her to try it out. She could not stop shrieking.. He held her tightly all through.. She liked the ride after all..

They hung out all evening and returned back late.. She was sure she was in love.. He was charming to be around..

"Hey care to make a coffee?" he asked..

"Yeah sure.." she smiled..

He sat on the sofa watching TV.. She could not stop thinking how only yesterday his same act had irritated her and today she adored him... She was really something...

She was pouring the coffee into the mug when she felt his arms around her waist and his lips caressing her neck... His hands moved all over her and she was caught in the frenzy... They forgot all about coffee.. The physical tension stifled within the confines of their reservations leaped out.. He pulled her into her bedroom and they made love... She had given herself to the first man she loved so much and who loved her in return...

Lies 3

 "Alright.. at 6.."

They walked together out of the building thereby giving a topic of gossip to the aunties walking briskly in salwar kameez with canvas shoes.. She wondered how many streaks this guy had. He was like an onion. One layer over the other.. When would she get to the core?

 He behaved with old fashioned chivalry.. Pulling doors for her and letting her walk ahead through them..

Once inside the movie theatre, he was a kid again.. Talking and commenting on everything.. As the movie progressed, she could feel his eyes on her.. She didn't want to look into his eyes.. Slowly he rested his arms on her shoulders and she did not shrug it off... She tried to concentrate on the movie but his presence so close was intoxicating... She rested her head on his shoulder and she knew she was being stupid.. He didn't move.. He was calm.. They looked like lovers who had been together for a long time.. They shared such comfort in such moments... She wanted him to be like this forever...

They had dinner and he chattered like his usual self.. How could he behave as if nothing happened, she thought. The intimacy she shared with him made her uncomfortable..

When they reached back home it was well past 11.. She was turning to go her way when he pulled her closer..She couldn't move..

"Riya, I love you" he whispered into her ears..

She had goosebumps.. Why was he making her feel this way... It had to be love..

"I love you too Amit" she spoke with difficulty.. He came closer and she shut her eyes anticipating what was coming next... She felt his grip tightening on  her waist... And then.. He left her loose... She opened her eyes.. HE was standing a feet away from her.. He said goodnight and went back home.

She went home and changed.. She was in love.. His variations kept her intrigued...

Her message tone rang.. She saw the text.. "See u tomrw for breakfast dear. gudnight" It was Amit..

Again she thought.. "How did he get my number?"

Lies (2)

    "I had not given my number to him..How did he get it?? How??"

 She woke up with a headache.. She did not intend to leave the bed.. She picked up her cellphone and dialed the coaching classes.. Thankfully they postponed her class today to Monday.. She went off to sleep again..

The chiming of her new door bell woke her again.. She pulled a pillow upto her ears and buried herself. A few minutes later she walked upto the door and peeped.. 

Oh God Amit was on the door.. She quickly went and changed into a T-shirt and a track pant. She then went to answer the door..

"Good morning sleeping beauty.." He was smiling at her..
"Good morning. You want kulfi again?" she asked sarcastically.
"Oh.. no.. not that.. I want tea." he sheepishly grinned.
"What?" She couldn't believe his boldness.. He invited himself for tea!! 
"Yes, aren't  you supposed to serve me tea since I m your new neighbour and you have to make me welcomed."
"Oh I see. What would you like for breakfast Mr. New Neighbour?" 
"Do you know to make parathas? If not then sandwich would be fine by me" he replied quiet seriously.
She cursed herself for even asking him such a question. 
Aloo paratha seemed easier to make.. She went into the kitchen and started cooking. She could here him watching TV. The nerves!! 

He called out from the hall..
"Hey Riya take out your clothes."
She dropped the dish in her hand. She came out into the hall. He was standing near the sofa. Her clothes were lying on the sofa..
"Take out your clothes from here.. I want to sit here." He was smiling to himself and she knew his choice of words were deliberate. She picked up the clothes and put them into the laundry basket. He was making her feel like a maid in her own house.

The breakfast was ready and she served him. He was busy watching TV and didn't even bother to ask her eat too. She was right, he lived for himself in his own world. She was thinking of meeting her friends. That would keep this Amit away. 

He was done eating.
"Riya since you welcomed me with this morning breakfast, I too will be a good neighbor. You have to come for lunch at my place today."

"No Amit, I m going out with friends." she said
"Hey cool, I will join in too then." 

God!!! Was there an end to this??

"Ok .. ok fine I will come for lunch at your place." She didn't want her friends to think that this cartoon was her boyfriend by any chance. He was anyway a harmless, although a bit rude, childish and mannerless guy.
"Hehehe.. good girl." He went back home. 
She finished all her work pending for the weekend. She didn't know what this cartoon was going to order for lunch. It was 1 and she was hungry. On an impulse she went to Amit's flat. The door was open. She entered the house and went to the kitchen. What she saw shocked her and she didn't know what to say. HE was  cooking :) 

He looked cute with an apron and was busy cutting cucumber for salad. He looked up at her and gave a very sweet grin.. She felt her stomach churning and no it was not hunger.. It was what is called "butterflies in the stomach".

"Lunch is ready.. Just wait for 5 minutes. Let me fix the salad."

She didn't care if he served her just salad for lunch. No one other than her mother ever took the effort to cook for her.. She liked him for that...

The lunch was delicious. He had made butterchicken, pulao and salad.. She had to admit she was nowhere close to his culinary skills.
They ate in silence. The same silence which she experienced in the ice-cream parlor. It was strange how he could make her perfectly comfortable at one moment and then suddenly embarrass her. He was a box of charm and a jerk too. 

She thanked him for the lunch and was going when he asked," Riya would you come with me for a movie tonight?" 
She was about to tell him no when he added, "I will take you out for dinner as well, promise!" and gave an innocent lost look to her.. 
It was funny how he thought she would accept if he took her out to dinner as well :) She was amused when she heard herself say "Alright.. at 6..."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


 Riya was waiting for the lift to go up to her apartment on the eighth floor.. On any other day she would have preferred the workout of climbing up the stairs, but today she was dead tired. She was ready to hit the sack even though it was only 8 in the evening. The week was particularly too hectic. College semester practicals had started and so had the exams of the students she taught at the coaching class. Standing all day was a habit for her as she efficiently managed to do her college practicals, which required her to stand for long hours and then went on to the coaching classes she worked to add to her pocket money.
  Her parents had shifted to Pune last year and though she pined for her mother's company, she did not want to change her college in the last year of her degree. Today all she wanted was her mother to open the door and greet her with hot piping food. Instead what was awaiting was a locked door and a packet of maggi which she would boil and have as dinner..
  The lift came down to the ground floor. She entered and was about to close the door when someone stopped it. She had never seen him before.
  "Sorry, I was in a hurry to reach home." he apologized. He must be in his mid twenties she thought but he  had boyish charm. He was taller than her and a tone darker than her. His well built body spoke about his passion for fitness similar to her.
 "It's alright. Which floor?" she asked.
"ohh the 8th floor" he said.
"Are you new here?" she was suddenly getting interested in him.
"Yes, I m here for an official assignment. Mrs Gupta is my aunt.So I m staying in her apartment. You too stay on the 8th floor or visiting someone?"
"Yes, I too stay on the 8th floor.Here we are.."
He opened the door for her and let her walk ahead.
"By the way, I m Amit. What's your good name?"
"I'm Riya. "
"Ok.. See you around sometime then. Bye"
"Bye. goodnight".
He had locked the door by then. Strange.
She looked back a few times while she was opening the door. Nothing..

She had her maggi and soon retired to bed..

The alarm was ringing too early.. How long had she slept?? She forcefully opened her eyes, trying to adjust her pupils to the brightness emiting from the cellphone..

It was a call.. She switched on the lamp. It was 11.30 in the night. It was an unknown number.

She picked it up.

"Hi, Riya."

"Yes, who is this?"

"Amit.. your next door neighbour."

"Oh yeah yeah...Anything urgent?"

"Nothing urgent.. I was craving for a kulfi.. You know any ice-cream parlor nearby?"

She was thinking, this man is seriously mad!! Craving for kulfi!! I thought only pregnant women get such unreasonable cravings!! He was calling me at this  hour to ask about an ice-cream parlor!!

"Hmm.. There's one at the end of the lane to our building.. Zero degree ice cream parlor. You will get it there maybe."

"Oh thanks a lot.. Since you helped me out with this one.. You deserve a treat too.. Come on get out of the house.. Anyway I needed company."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I m sleepy and I really don't need an ice-cream at this hour."

"Hey come on, have some fun in life girl! Get and let's get going.. Please you have to come.. I request you."

She muttered under her breathe.. He is crazy!! But somehow she knew he wouldn't stop till she agreed. Never she was never going to go.. She didn't even know him!! Who knows what kind of character he must be having.. She was full of personal doubts about him when she found herself opening the door and putting on her slippers.

He was standing at his door..

HE smiled at her and didn't utter a word till they reached the ice-cream parlor.She thanked her stars for that.

Once in the parlor he ordered kulfi for both of them. She was not particularly fond of kulfi but neither was she in a mood for further debate... She wanted this to pass...

Surprisingly, Amit was quiet.. He seemed to enjoy her silence.. He spoke in between about his work and asked about her college... He was talking gently unlike his childish "I m craving for kulfi" self.

She was getting comfortable with him now..

They walked back home in peace.. She was enjoying the night.. It had been long since she was out at this hour and it was so serene now...

As she reached her door she said,"Thanks for the treat."

"Oh never mind. By the way cute night dress"

She turned red in the face!! What the hell!!! She was out in that parlor with him in her skimpy night dress!! She wished the earth to crack and bury her inside.. This was insane!!! How had he not made her realise once of her appearance ?

She rushed home and locked the door, her heart still beating fast... How could she be so senseless?

She could hardly sleep.. IT had all been so beautiful.. Had he looked once below her face, she would have immediately known ... Damn him!!

Early morning she was beginning to sleep when a thought struck her..

"I had not given my number to him..How did he get it?? How??"

Friday, April 15, 2011

How I found my Mom..

  The reality was sinking down on me each passing moment.. I slowly replaced the receiver which moments ago voiced J's wrath," It's all over between you and me. I want you out of my life woman! I want a divorce."
  Two years of putting up with his abrupt mood swings, outbursts of abuse and doing everything to keep him with me was now down the drain..I should have known it when he stopped saying sorry for his crude language. I should have known when I often found him ogling at other women.. I had pulled down wool over my eyes.. I just had to make my marriage work.. Because she didn't.. First time in my life, I didn't blame her for the disaster in my life..
  I was 12 years old.. My parents lived like two strangers in the house. They doted on me. The coldness between them made me unhappy. The soft but firm command," Go to your room" meant they were going to have a fight. I remained locked up in my room till the loud noises stopped.. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep. The blames, the loud cries from my Mom, the vehement denial from my Dad and his indifference to her worries, everything shut down and suddenly they were no longer bothered about what the other did.. They lived in oblivation. I was the only connecting link and I often became a football in their court.. kicked and grabbed by their ego..
  I woke up one morning to see her packing. The melancholy of her face talked volumes. She bent down to me and gently stroked my hair, " Zia, I m leaving. Take care baby. I will contact you. I m there for you always". She kissed my forehead and quickly wiped her tears. She walked out of the room. I couldn't even stop her. She was leaving me behind.. She was running away from her responsibility. She was out to have a good life for herself leaving me to fend for myself.. I hated her since that moment.
  My father was good to me. My mother's step  shook him. He was a different man now. He talked less and spent more time alone. I blamed my Mom for his misery.
 I was young, vulnerable and alien to the ways of the world. I was growing up and I hated every new physical change accompanied with it. I was shy to talk about them to my Dad.I blamed her for the first bad touch I ever experienced from a pervert male.I blamed her for my helplessness.
I lied to my friends about a happy family I did not have. When they found out my Mom had ditched me they kept distance from me. Those who were with me invited me often up their place. Their mothers gave me those sympathetic looks which said they knew it all. I should have been humbled by the care they showed, but I felt like an urchin. I blamed my mom for my humiliation.
 I grew out to be an introvert and a  clumsy one at that. I lacked the grooming which other girls had. I always stood out from my peers. I watched other girls and emulated them. Visited the beauty saloon when they went. When the girls discussed some matters which I had no clue about, they often spoke aloud,"Didn't your Mom tell you that?" The conversation stopped there when they realised the wrong in their statement. I blamed my Mom for their careless attitude to me.
 Suddenly she was the only reason why I was a failure. She was to blame if I scored less in my exams. She was to blame if I didn't make into the magazine team. When I had my first heartbreak, she was somehow responsible for it..
 In these years, she tried to contact me many times. I received her call but held it without saying anything. I met her sometimes but remained silent all the time. When she asked about me, I did not reply. I was punishing her for what she had done. Slowly the meetings stopped. Calls were restricted only for special occasions.. I was healing the hurt..
   For the first time in my life I was feeling secure with J in my life. I was 25 when we got married. J was a passionate lover but somewhere down the years the passion dried up. He was just mechanically into the relation. We hardly talked. When we did, it was me voicing my needs which he clearly ignored. I cried and pleaded. I begged him to stay on.. I was weak and I needed him to prove to my Mom that I could make a marriage last..
 I realised now what my Mom must have gone through. She had the courage to move on in life and be happy. She was a strong woman. I should have respected her urge to live and her right to a better life. She did not give up in life.. I did..
  I called her up. My hands were trembling with each ring.. She finally picked up the phone..
I did not speak up.. I could only let out silent cries..
"Z baby.. I knew you would call.."
I burst into tears.. She recognised me without me speaking.. Maternal instincts one may say.. She really did care.. She never ditched me.. I refused to let her close..
"Mom.. mom where are you?"
"What happened dear? Do you need me?"
"I always needed you Mom" that was the truth...

I met her at the Tata Hospital.. She was battling cancer.. Fighter she always was... She had kept me in dark about her condition.. I was heartless that I didn't even check why she hadn't come for my wedding...

Talking to her for hours, I relieved myself of all the pain stored in my heart.. all the burden and concerns.. One thing I learnt was, my Dad was a good father and that necessarily didn't mean he was a good husband as well.. I was naive then.. I didn't let my mother make me understand the difference.. I now value her..

She overcame cancer like all other problems in her life..
Like she always says," One can't always solve the problems in life.. sometimes it is best to let go and live one's life with dignity".

That was what she had always done.. Served as a nurse with dignity rather than taking abuse as a wife..
P.S ... I think P.S not required this time!! This obviously is fiction!! :) :)