Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Monster and me (last part)

           Bhai was holding her hand back. That was the first time in a few years that I was calling him out Bhai to myself.
            "You bitch, don't you dare lay as much as a finger on my sister" he was screaming at Neha.
"Arav, just shut up. You know how your sister is. I mean, isn't that why you treat her like trash? How can you trust her?" She was accusing me.
              Bhai turned pale.. maybe a little ashamed.
"I know very well how she is. I was wrong you would change your way Neha. You have a reputation of two timing don't you? Just get out of my house and out of my life"
               Neha was pink in the face. It was apparantly her first defeat with guys.
I was just too happy with Bhai's response and his trust on me. He was suddenly my perfect Bhai again.
That day we didn't speak to each other. I knew he wouldn't say sorry. It was his way of dealing with relations. He never added anything formal to it.
               Next day as usual I returned from school and was about the ring the bell when Bhai opened it himself. It seemed like he was waiting for me. He looked at me and smiled and that was quiet a reception!!
               I went indoors and spotted something gift wrapped on the dining table. It read
                 I didn't know how he knew I called him monster and I forgot to ask him too. I opened the wrap and found a coloring kit. I jumped with joy. It was good to know that he still remembered what my hobby was. It would have cost him lost more than what he would feel free to splurge and I knew at the end of the month he would fall short of money and ask me to lend some of my pocket money which ofcourse he would never return.
                The gift was his way of saying sorry.
I later asked him, "Bhai what does a slut mean?"
He looked at me with a straight face and said,"It means Neha. Don't you use that word ever again for anyone ok sis? Good girls don't use such words" He pulled my cheeks and walked out..
                Eventually I did look up the dictionary.. :P

Monster and me (part 3)

            They both came inside. Monster had a perplexed look on his face. Neha began weeping even louder..
              Monster asked," Did you say Neha that she is a slut?" I had never come across that word, I thought it must be synonymous to "mean". However, I made a mental note to look it up in the dictionary.
              " I.. I did not"..
Neha's outbursts were deafening. Monster asked her to calm down and she did that with a lightening speed.
               " She is lying Arav"  If you are wondering who Arav is then it is Monster's name.
  " She hates me and you being together. She uttered words which I wouldn't imagine a fourth grader to know" she further added.
                 Arav was dumbstruck and so was I. I was battling with my thoughts. What should I tell him? Would he believe me?
                  I went back to the time when Arav was good to me. He would pick me up from school. When we were home, he would teach me to play games on his computer and let me scribble. He was my playmate. Everything was perfect till his so called "growing up" problems began and he became so irritating.
                  I decided to stick to my story. "She is the one who is lying" I shouted back.
 Neha was a bit shaken. She had expected a timid me. This rush of confidence struck her. Blood was rushing to my cheeks. I wouldn't stop now..
                  "Neha was with Sumit. She threatened me to not tell anyone she was kissing him.
              Arav curled his fingers. I thought he would box me over. Neha lifted her hand to slap me. I just closed my eyes which were overflowing with tears.  When the hands didn't reach me for long I opened my eyes to see......

Monster and me (part2)

  Neha was in the arms of Sumit... They were smooching.. I had never seen anything like that except for once on a clip monster was watching on internet.
      Monster had shouted at me for peeking into his room and made me swear I wouldn't tell Mom or Dad what I had seen. I still don't understand why he was so tensed about it.
     Neha looked at me and I was completely at my wit's end. Her top was unbuttoned at the upper end and she quickly adjusted it.. Sumit was clearly frightened. Sumit was, as monster said, "a harmless dumb creature". He spent hours with Monster in our room equipped with a bucketful of chips. He was overweight. He stayed in Monster's shadow.. He hung around with Monster often, just to get noticed.
     Neha said softly, "Spying, are we?" The coldness in her voice made me uncomfortable.  She was intimidating..
     I stammered, "I.. I just came to call you".. She was getting irritated with my response..
She lost her calm and shrieked," Listen, don't act smart with me. You voyeur!! She looked back at Sumit and asked him, "What do you think?".. Now that was a stupid thing to ask because she knew it well Sumit couldn't think...
    Sumit as expected dare not say anything.. I wondered what Sumit would tell Monster.  Neha didn't let the matter pass.. She threatened to tell all kinds of lies and get me trapped instead..  I knew saying anything would be useless.. She not only had Monster in control, she even took advantage of this Fool Sumit's money..
    I went back home.  Monster left shortly for his classes.. I didn't know how long I sat thinking of what happened.. The door bell rang.. I saw Monster standing at the door with Neha crying...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Bleeding heart

  Running behind the shadows
  of that past left behind,
  Night befalls on the meadow
  where solace I would find..
  Upon the enticing dreams
  a spell of gloom is cast..
  a pearl of tear in my eyes gleams,
  and is lost in the ocean so vast..
  How far the raft of time
  has drifted us apart,
  With memories of you I entwine
  my soul and my bleeding heart..


Sunday, March 13, 2011

Glimpses from the past..

         "You know what Nishka, life couldn't have been more perfect for me". Preeti was beaming with happiness and why should she not? She is after all in love. She was meeting me after a long time. We had been fast friends in school but in the years after that we had been too busy to catch up. She was still the same bubbly girl who made friend easily. I have lost my innocence and charm long back. She at this moment would never notice this change in me. Love after all makes all the world shrink and all you can think is about that special someone in your heart.
           She and her boyfriend made a cute couple. Everyone thinks they are "made for each other", but I would rather not use these words for anyone. That's what everyone used to say about "US". We were a perfect couple.
          Time raced back in my mind and I felt transported to those days of love. Even the memory of it made my heart ache and my body seethe in pain.. Why do I have to still feel for him? After all he has done to me and to our relationship, why is there still that lame hope of having him back? So much time has passed by yet why is that monsoon still moistening my eyes? I stare and stare into nothingness and suddenly that face looms in front of my eyes... That face, that smile which once made my heart leap now makes my heart throb so hard I fear it will break my ribs.. That vacuum he left in my life will forever be that way..
          Was I willingly closing my eyes to the truth?  Was  his assurance fake?
Those moments of happiness, those promises to be for each other always.. I was so sure he was as madly in love with me as I was with him.. I still am..
          Those late night calls.. Those love messages... The way he used to lovingly call out my name.. That one night when I couldn't sleep and he tenderly sang me to sleep... I couldn't live a thousand years and experience that bliss again.. What would I not give up to get that simplicity and love back... But it is gone with the winds...
          "Are you listening?" She almost shrieked.. I pulled myself out from my thoughts... "Guess what ? He is coming here. Isn't that great? "
            I was already feeling claustrophobic.. Happy couples always made me that way.. I wanted to rush out of this place.. The urge to shout back, "Go and have the time of your life. Don't bother about me" was overpowering but I had to bear with it.. I couldn't give my friends hell for what I am going through and neither did I want to act like a mood spoiler... That's one of the reasons he had given for breaking up..... I need to snap it out of my mind.. I need to go back into the hiding.. Social meetings aren't my cup of tea anymore...
            "sorry Preeti, I just remembered I forgot my keys at a relative's place. I got to rush. You guys enjoy. " She didn't read much into it either... She was busy adoring her sweetheart..
             I walked towards the door and glanced back... They were holding hands and gazing into each others eyes.. Magic of love..........
             I rushed back home into my haven of loneliness where I didn't have to pretend everything is fine...