Sunday, August 4, 2013

Time for a Change

           I always find the beginning of a post very challenging. I write and click backspace every single word until I finally arrive at something, I think, will not discourage readers from continuing further :P I find non-fiction posts challenging because of the same reason. How do I break the ice? What do I start from?

           Writing on one such story is a tricky terrain. On one part all my fantasies and imaginations are indulged in, even applauded. When it's non-fiction I have a tight rope walk to do. I slip my act and I get snubbed for the same. The first story on One such story was a fiction written in first person. I was put to so many questions and invited unwanted gossip because of the same. I mention "Fiction" whenever I write in first person since then.

            Writing under your real name is a bane sometimes. Your life is open for everyone to scrutinize. I refrain from pouring out all that permeates my imagination. Not only in my writings, but also in my day to day interactions with people, I m fiercely guarded about myself. I have been hurt, I have been ridiculed, I have been taken for granted, I have been assumed to not mind what others say. I wear my scars on myself. I dread to get too close to people. I hesitate to attach myself to emotions that wouldn't be reciprocated or worse, be rejected. I would rather be reserved than be broken.
            There's another thing with writing non-fiction. It is tough to control the flow :P You never know where you drift! Unlike the carefully devised plots, writing about oneself isn't easy.
          There are days when  I do not feel like playing God. I do not wish to paint my characters in colours I see around. The words refuse to oblige me. It frustrates me to not command it. I feel cheated by a long term spouse. I click on new post and ponder for hours even though I m busy playing mindless games. I read other blogs and search for words to express my views or sincerely applaud their writings. But I feel short. Short of words. I close down the screen and go back to a life of mediocrity. A life of completing journals and making plans of writing the next day.

          I decided I have had enough. Enough of sitting idle in front of the screen. I made up my mind to clear the clutter and make a fresh start. I have been thinking of changing the blog look. As usual I have been stuck up in the drudgery of my routine. It was only when my brother had an assignment, as a part of his technology education, and urged me to help him open a blog, I geared up to design a blog for him. I had forgotten the joys of creating a page that reflects a lot of yourself. Scouting for images, making the header, selection the color combinations could be so refreshing when you have been pulling yourself from one day to other :(

        One such story has always been red and  buff colored. It was a lot about love and passion. I have been meaning to change to a white background. Peaceful and inspiring. A blank that comes into your hands and you color it the way you want. The text and images are bigger and soothing. It just mirrors the present me. All I want is peace and the inner tumult to reach its fruitful conclusion.

With hopes still surging..


Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

This looks like a Writer's block. Design all you want, but keep updating. We are regular readers :-) We like what you write.Whether you like it or not!

maithili said...

It is so heartening to hear that :)
For me, the ambience plays a big part. Maybe if my page looks peaceful I can think clear and make better posts :)
I will keep updating frequently :D

Roshan Radhakrishnan said...

Over the years, I've hit a writers block more than 3 dozen times and Godyears look too has changed a minimum of 40-50 times 'ATLEAST'. As you said, it usually reflects the mood we are in. That's also where our words come in handy, dont you think?
Take your time but keep writing... the inspiration to write will find you by itself. have faith in that.

maithili said...

Honestly, you have been inspiring me for so long! Your blog has been one of the few I have never lost touch of and every time I hop on it I do see some changes :P
Your recent posts about getting published make me want to push myself to come to that level one day :)
Also, it beats me to think how you manage to write so often with a schedule like that! I m half dead by 9 -_-

Roshan Radhakrishnan said...

wRiting is my escape from the vagaries of life - the personal losses and the pain of patients, young and old. So I do make time for it... during cases if an interesting thought pops in my head that needs further developing, I type down the highlights in the mobiles EVERNOTE app and then later on keep on writing once I get back.

And for the record, in this country which has a shortage of doctors by 50% of required, I'm on duty 24/7 including Sundays. If I can make time, surely you can :D

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

The 'me' as a part of a plot fiction or not always adds to realism (if we talk sense :P)

So yes, since all fiction that springs from our minds is like dreams, incoherently and unconnected thoughts as looked upon by our conscious brain, but thoroughly related in the subconscious. That is the reason for the flow, or so I think.

Till the time you manage to write more than one word without hitting the backspace,

Blasphemous Aesthete

Soumya said...

Yay to the fresh start. It couldn't have gotten better and I'm so glad you are back.

Stories are incomplete without Maithili and Maithili is incomplete without stories. So put your imagination forward and give us a wonderful story like the previous ones you have been giving.

Kick ass Maiths, fu*k the world!

maithili said...

:D Well said. I m slowly getting there :)

maithili said...

Your words are always so encouraging :) I hope I continue writing with the passion that you do :)